I Am Plus Sized and Disabled, and That Is Okay

My entire life I have been afraid of the word disabled.

I was born with developmental hip dysplasia. Google says that the definition of hip dysplasia is a condition where the "ball and socket" joint of the hip does not properly form in babies and young children.

The real life definition means that I can’t remember a time where I haven’t had extreme pain in my left hip.

Some daily struggles I go through include not being able to walk for long periods of time without feeling strain on my joints, having difficulty keeping up with people whenever I walk in groups, limping whenever I walk for long periods of time, and often surviving off of taking Tylenol just to make it through the day.

At 18 months old, I had a corrective surgery that landed me in a fall body cast and I was taught to walk twice. At age 12 I had another corrective surgery that pulled me out of school for three months.

During the three months I was out of school I used a wheelchair, a walker, and a cane.

It was middle school, so unfortunately it wasn’t really a shocker that the kids at school were mean about the girl who walked a little different from everyone else

Throughout my entire life I have had to live with my disability. I never wanted to be labeled as disabled because I was scared that I would be seen as different. Accommodations that could have made my life a lot easier I always refused because I didn’t want to be seen as “weak”.

To this day I still have difficulty accepting the fact I have a disability, and asking for help is sometimes hard. But through multiple interactions with people I care about and multiple doctors, accepting that I am disabled will only help my life become easier.

Another word I have been afraid of my entire life I have been afraid of the word fat.

I was always considered the kid who was a little bit chubbier than everyone else, and as I have gotten older more and more I’ve realized that the body type I am isn’t widely accepted within the media.

My first week of middle school at a new school I was told I looked like I was pregnant, whenever I was a sophomore in high school I was called fat by a close friend of mine, and I have countless other stories where I was reduced down to my weight.

Only whenever I discovered theatre did I realize that there was nothing wrong with being different, and being different made me stand out and have my own unique stories to bring to the characters I was playing in the most authentic way.

I finally got to a position where I felt comfortable with who I was and I discovered this through theatre where I got to be someone completely different, and received validation based on my talent, not on what I looked like, or how I walked, or how both of those things made me feel. 

Fast forward a few years and a few wrong turns and we get to the college audition process for the year of 2019-2020 where I auditioned to transfer. 

To be brutally honest, most of the time whenever I walked into an audition room at Pearl Studios, auditors would look me up and down and I felt like they didn't like what they saw. 

Sure this might have been my own insecurities, but I unfortunately have seen what most of these school’s class banners would look like. I remembered that I would obsess over my results from auditions, and I would stalk schools to see if they had anyone in their program who looked like my body type, or even if there was any space for me.

During the process, this made me feel so incredibly small and during the majority of the process I felt like I wasn’t ever going to be able to make it in this industry where most of the bodies I would see that were successful were either able bodied or specifically a body type that wasn’t mine.

The light at the end of this dark tunnel was my last audition of New York Unifieds:  Long Island University Post. 

I remember walking down the hallway that LIU Post was located at Pearl Studios and it was like feeling a breath of fresh air. 

Not one student looked exactly the same, and not one person was one specific body type or look and I felt like I was finally able to breathe again.

I felt like what my body looked like didn’t matter in my audition, and that my physical limitations were just that, limitations, not disadvantages; What I felt in that room was that all that mattered was what I was bringing to the table through my pieces and how I was communicating my stories through my work was all that mattered. 

It was the first time that I felt like I was comfortable being Copeland, not just being a plus sized person or being limited to my limitations from my disability. It felt like there was a future where it doesn’t matter what a person looks like but rather what they are bringing to the world.

Our industry is nowhere near where it needs to be in terms of inclusivity, whether that be through disability representation, BIPOC representation, body positivity representation, and many other areas where our industry is lacking. We need to do better, we need to be better.

I am plus sized, and I am disabled and that is okay. I am plus sized, and I am disabled and I am worthy. My entire journey, which is not even close to being complete is teaching me that I have a place in this industry and in this world where I am valuable and I matter no matter what I look like.

---

Copeland Lewis (She/Her) is a BFA Musical Theatre Major at Long Island University Post. Some of her favorite performances in the past have included roles in the Great Gatsby, Heathers, Into the Woods, and RTA Train. Throughout her life, theatre has been her main passion and she really treasures every chance to be involved with theatre in any capacity. Copeland is now extremely excited to live in the North because she is from South Carolina and the change in environment is nice! Copeland is also an advocate body diversity within theatre, as well as an advocate for representation for the disabled community.

ACTOR AESTHETIC ONLINE COURSE

Prep for musical theatre college Auditions (in 5 steps!)

Get Started